Do you know what happens when a woman of faith quits?
I find it difficult not to share what God has done in my life this past year. He has sent me messages that no one could explain or deny. He has offered me miracles to restore my faith in ways I had never known possible. Recently, he has moved in a way that I will never feel worthy of. My closest friends and family know of the painful roller coaster ride of a relationship that I had been on these last 4 years. Though we both wanted it to work, neither of us came equipped with the right tools to travel this journey together, and, unfortunately, it showed.
Two weeks away from our wedding day, I quit. I threw in the towel and I walked off set. I ran 70 mph up the interstate to retreat in the mountains for 7 days to ask God where to go from here. You see, I wasn’t well. I was falling apart emotionally because I had shoved every hurt from my past as far down as it could go and it was infecting every part of my being. We all know that relationships are hard work and hurt is inevitable when two imperfect humans strip down their flesh to become one body. This hurt was much deeper than any I had experienced before because something was different about this man.
Little did I know, when I was fighting for my faith and my relationship, only one of them was set up for success.
You see, I found my faith in the middle of finding this man. I attended a women’s conference at my church a few years back and the Lord called me home. Though I didn’t see it at the time, He came into my life in a way that I wasn’t prepared for. I spoke a desire to study The Bible and speak at women’s conferences just like that one. Looking back now, I can see how he has spent the last 3 years grooming me for the days ahead. Whether this relationship was ready or not, it seems as though God may have been putting his final touches on it, as well.
I saw something in this man that had me convicted of his goodness. I held on as tight as I could down a rocky 3 1/2 year road. As I am not perfect, neither was he. He was younger than I was and not quite as experienced in many other areas of life, but he was good. He was not a boastful or a prideful man. He didn’t party. He was genuine and kind. He was my polar opposite and I absolutely adored him for that. What was missing, however, was a lack of faith and guidance in the area that mattered the most…. leadership. He didn’t know how to be a life partner because, for the most part, he had always lived alone. I spent the last 3 years trying to lead him to God. Even though I was resentful because I had to do the leading, I knew if I could just get him to church, He would take over.
I wasn’t equipped to teach him how to be my life partner, but I knew The Bible was.
When two people aren’t equipped to walk together in the eyes of God, He is sure to provide them the skills needed to do so. God will allow the grooming process as easy as you allow him. However, if you think you can deny His grace and continue receiving, He will strip you down to nothing until you submit to His divine plan. That is what happened when I was obedient to God’s word and quit. I went to work on myself and my God went to work for me.
I physically walked away from the relationship 10 months ago, but emotionally revisited from time to time. It wasn’t very long afterwards, however, that I was always reminded why I left in the first place. As time progressed, I grew stronger and communication between the two of us was getting longer and longer. It was quite obvious the dreaded closing of the chapter was finally drawing near.
The boy who I was forcing to be a man, stepped out on his own the day he asked God to lead his hand.
Just as I had completely lost faith in us, he was left with nothing to do but look up. Before I knew it, I was standing in Books-A-Million watching him pick out his very first Bible. Ladies, I have a suggestion.. if you think you are attracted to your partner… pray for him to follow his faith and watch him become three times the man he was before… you will never look at him the same. I can’t predict the future because only God’s plan prevails. However, I am witness to the miracles God can work in our modern guys when a woman of faith fights until she can’t fight anymore.
We still have a lot of growing to do, but I truly believe that every couple continues to grow and change as their life together evolves. All I can hope for today is that from this day forward, as we grow closer to God individually, we continue to grow closer in unity.
Until next time….
Sweet child, be free.